May 13

(Picture of a Lego Person and Bird) (100 WC Week 32 Term 2 2015)

I was walking along the cumaean canal up to the surface I knew I couldn’t stay up here for long or I would burn from the sun but I needed to see the surface rats in their prime. As I approached the end of the canal I saw some tree stumps doused in the surface’s sunlight. It was comforting seeing the sun after being down in the Unter for my whole life but I needed to do what I came here for. I noticed a human over on one of the stumps he looked like he was trying to swat something away from him, then suddenly an enormous hawk swept down and took him away. I decided to follow.


Posted May 13, 2015 by Rat in category 100 Word challenge, Other, Uncategorized

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2 thoughts on “(Picture of a Lego Person and Bird) (100 WC Week 32 Term 2 2015)

  1. Mrs. James (Team 100)

    Jordan,

    You have used very vivid descriptive language that really pulls the reader in. I love the word doused. I can just see all the sunlight. You have a very mysterious beginning. I wonder what the narrator will find when he follows the bird.

    Mrs. James
    Team 100
    Iowa, USA

    Reply
  2. Critereye

    I loved the wide range of adjectives that you used in this piece of writing. My only suggestion is maybe to use smaller sentences to build up more tension.
    Keep up the great writing. 🙂 🙂 🙂 😀

    Reply

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